breathe in the healing love of the universe...i am with you

Today is a big day.  6 whole years since I was diagnosed with leukemia.  I struggle to find the words to capture how I am feeling on these 'cancerversaries,' because there are so many different thoughts that are zipping around in my head....i remember:
-knowing i was sick for awhile & having doctors telling me it was all in my head
-a palpable, soul-shaking, comforting faith still unmatched at any other time in my life
-the support from my family.  my mom was my wingman, we went through it together.  matty was away at school and i can't imagine how hard it was for him to come home and see me sick and a baldy
-the amazing relationship i built with mindy, thousands of miles away...she is my battle buddy and i feel so fortunate to have her in my life.  there are things i can tell her that no one else other than mom understands
(click on mindy's name to see the beautiful tribute she wrote today on her blog...what a beautiful friend!)
-knowing that this experience was much too big for me to understand, to find a reason why it happened, what purpose would this hell serve in my life
-how happy i was despite my situation....i laughed every freaking day.  so hard that it hurt.  every picture of me bald, i'm smiling even though i have pitch black bags under my eyes and old man tufts of hair.  i don't know where i conjured up the strength from, but there was no alternative for me.  it was my happy-way or the highway, britches

there are too many thoughts to actually make this blog make any sense :)  all I know is that i feel completely and overwhelmingly blessed.  i have my health, i have the most perfect, beautiful husband, friends that make my life so sweet, and a family that i simply love beyond words.  
here's a few photos from my time in the trenches :)

i guess a life changing experience at such a young
age makes you understand your purpose more clearly and definitely makes you appreciate the milestones, big and small, even more than you already do.  thank you, family and friends, for loving me and helping me through the hardest time in my life to some of the best times.  i am thankful for so many people and moments in my life, like these: