When looking through a box of pictures, I came across a note from Pops. It was from 2000, my freshman year at Barat, when he would regularly send me little notes and $ or stamps. The note could have easily been from today. It said "Dear Dana, hope you are doing well in school...stay healthy and happy. Love, Grams and Papa B" I know he watches over me and my family today but my heart still longs to have him in this earthly world. We would talk often on the phone and his amazing, strong presence in my life was more than my biological father could have ever offered me. I wish that he could have been there to see me graduate, walk me down the aisle, watch Matt excel in school, and be there to make us laugh and give us those super tight hugs that hurt because he was so strong. But I realize that these are all my own selfish thoughts...but I'm human. Working in hospice for my community rotation has given me the perspective that while he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, I am thankful that he did not suffer for months and months on end like the patients I have seen. I think that would have hurt more than losing him quickly like we did. I don't even remember him sick or thin, the memories I hold are of him as strong, his big belly, his magic blue beautymark, his scratchy beard, the way his hair smelled (old man+Old Spice mixture)...those are the memories that stay with me and will forever.
I love you, Papa.
I found this quote today and it offered me some peace.
"When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight." Kahlil Gibran
The nearly 22 years I had with Papa were just that...an absolute delight. He was such a bright light in my life and that light did not go out with his passing into the next world... It simply glows in me, in Matt, Mom, Grams Kiki, and Peter and all those who he loved so dearly.
Lonnie and Lucy on their wedding day
Grams, baby Matty, D.A. and Papa
Matt's favorite wrestling buddy
He was always all over Papa and Pops loved every minute of it
Papa and me
I love that twinkle in his eye
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